i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I looked at my own cervix.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
