Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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