Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
