your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
