you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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