The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
