Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
