Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
