I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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