I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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