i was rollin on her like bob the builder
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we're making bets on your personal life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
