Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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