Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
