so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
