sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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