I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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