bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
