I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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