hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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