How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
