so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
