I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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