The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
