I think I am morally bankrupt
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
