By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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