Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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