my mouth tastes like poor choices
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
