Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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