like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
