She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
