the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
