The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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