Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize