I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
