dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So many bounce houses so little time
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize