I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
