i don't like sucking hair
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
