I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
