I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
