I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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