I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
