I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
