I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to make a zoo with you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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