as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
