FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
