i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
