I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hippo gnu deer
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
