I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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