is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
