Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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