I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
