There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
