So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
