I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
