I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my being single is dangerous.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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