Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
