I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
