Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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