I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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