They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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