I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
