Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
