I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Houston, we have a squirter
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
