No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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