Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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