i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
