i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
