My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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