Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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