i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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