if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
