The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
