CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
